So. Thursday night I got new cards. Fishies, flying fishies, to be more precise. Huge thanks to T for helping me out with them, they are wonderful :) Up until now I've been playing my vampires, for more than half a year now. They think the fishies are not mine, that I'm borrowing them. But seriously, who but me would ever get the idea to make a deck with flying fishies?
His name's Logen, and I've had him for >1 year. He and Fläcken had some fights in the beginning, but eventually learned to like each other. Now he's sick, and I can't do anything but to tell my mom how to take care of him. Apparently he's really skinny, and has no energy. When she fished him up some days ago to put him in an own aquarium (I've got a 16-liters that's just been standing around, it's pretty small, but no-one will steal his food atleast) it was too easy. I really hope he makes a recovery, I don't want to have to see a fish that big pass away after that a short time.
Guess some would say over a year for a fish is a long time, but I've had tetras living for 5 years (then we put it down when a slight accident occured and we had to move all the fish, and it was a mean mean mean fish so I didn't want it back), and I've got a catfish, Fläcken, who I've had with me for >8 years. All in all I've had fishes for 12½ year by now. I'm that crazy girl with all the fishies. Unless you did not know.
Leaving fish and moving on to humans.
I'm sitting in my bed now, under the blankets, eating peanuts. Got the remains of a slurpee next to me. For an unknown reason I woke up early today, and was out of the house, walking, before 10 AM! I'm confused, I'm not supposed to wake up early, ever. Sure, it could have to do with last night, which was really making me tired. But then, crying makes your eyelids heavy, they still kinda are today.
Thursday night, after I was done with cards at Tramps, I went to Eh's house. He had asked me to stop by after cards, so I figured I should do that. After all I hadn't seen him since Sunday night, and an hour is better than nothing. So I came there, as usual there was a bunch of other people there as well. They were watching a movie, Spirited Away, a movie which it seems I'm the only one to dislike. I told him I didn't want to see the movie, hinted that we'd go downstairs, just to be alone, him and me, he saw the hint, but didn't make any action or attempt to follow it. The movie eventually was over with, and I said I had to be home soon, I had homework to do, a math test the next day. I got a ride home, and when leaving the car he said he missed me, that he missed me soooo much, and that he wanted to spend the weekend with me. Sure I said, I've got things planned for Saturday afternoon/night, but otherwise I'm free.
Friday afternoon he texts me, saying he's sorry but it's a friends birthday today and they are going to the bar, but he will text me afterwards and ask me to call him. I text back, asking if he's really going to text this time, seeing that he didn't last weekend. He said he would, but it might be late. This all evolved into an... argument...? In short words I told him I was tired of him assuming I'd always be there, without him putting any effort into it. I've got school, and I acctually care about my grades, so I need to study and to do homework and hand things in. Finals are coming up soon, I need to get some sleep so I can learn in school. He's not doing anything with his time right now. He got laid off the other week, and is now just walking around at home, having friends over, watching movies and playing games all day. And then he expects me to see him when it suits him. That I plan my day after what he wants to do. When he's the one having all the time in the world, he doesn't have to be up in the morning to go to school. Is it too much to ask that he suggests that he'd meet me after school? Up in the area where I live? Instead of having me come visit him where he lives, at night, when I've got school the next day? Is that too fucking much to ask?
Then he tries to make it up to me by texting me he loves me. I don't trust his words any longer. They are empty, all he does is empty talk. He's good at talking, he's good at lying to other people, why wouldn't he lie to me? About where he's been? About what he's been doing? He tells me he loves me, but he can't seem to put off the time for me, when it suits me.
While writing the above I got a text from him, "good morning love hows your day if your not busy after your fundraiser idd like to spend some time with you"
First off: it's 1 PM. Not morning. I've been up for 5 hours.
Second off: The fundraiser thing starts at 5PM. Ends at 1 AM tomorrow. I doubt I'll have the time to go see him after that...?
I've told him this, he should know this, if he payed attention to what I'm saying. But no, apparently not.
I'll be back in Sweden in less than 5 weeks from today. And he takes me for granted, takes my time for granted. I'm not for granted. I'm the opposite of granted. Time is flying by, is he gonna realise when I'm in Sweden that maybe he should've put more effort into it before? As of now, I really am not motivated to put in all the effort it would require to try to keep a long-distance relationship alive, 'cause apparently he can't even put in effort when we're in the same time. When I'm out of here, I'm out of here.
"När det är mörkt och stormen går så står jag och leder vägen hem, men jag finns här även när solen står som högst på skyn."
ReplyDeletenär jag skrev det viste jag inte att stormen gick hårt åt dig, det var bara något jag kände på mig att det behövdes sägas. att något var fel men inte vem det handlade om, ta hand om dig och låt inte den pojken spilla din dyrbara tid. utan se fram mot den tid du kommer att få när du kommer hem igen, och med dem du kommer att spendera den tiden med.
and on an other note, kick that bastard in the balls!
Tack, jag vet att du finns där. 1 månad nu, tiden kryper långsamt, men ändå snabbt, närmare. Det ska bli skönt att komma hem.
ReplyDeleteTar hand om mig själv så gott det går här, istället för nattpromenad nån natt sedan, körde jag och en kompis runt och tittade på diverse häftiga/söta/snygga hus, och bara pratade. Nattpromenaderna är att föredra, men för tillfället får det räcka.
Pojken får inte spilla min tid, han får inte ens spilla något i mig :p Å andra sidan så tycker jag om att umgås med honom, så det är vad jag gör just nu. Promenerar med, pratar med, tittar på en jävla massa filmer med. Hade långt samtal med honom igår. Saker löser sig. På ett eller annat sätt. :)